Could We Just Talk About This?

by: Logan Alexander

1 note

Really? You’re a what?

Okay, so everyone has their pet peeves, but I have a HUGE one.

Let’s talk about it.

What did Beethoven do? He played the piano, composed and was an all around musical genius.  What does this make him? A musician.

What does Heidi Klum do (although she’s getting a little too old for it and should probably stop)? She poses professionally for photographs.  What does that make her?  A model.

What does Steve McCurry do?  Don’t worry about googling it, I’ll tell you.  He photographs beautiful things all around the world.  What does this make him?  A photographer.

Now let’s talk about you.  There are some things that you should know make you look like a fool on Facebook or any other social media network.  For example…

Just because you pose for a picture every now and then and throw up your oh-so-hip and oh-so-overrated peace fingers, and that picture ends up on Facebook, YOU ARE NOT A MODEL.

Also…

Just because you photograph that extremely cool “model” with your Kodak disposable or incredibly fancy $99 point and shoot camera, YOU ARE NOT A PHOTOGRAPHER.

Also…

Just because you can bang out a rhythm on your #2 pencils in math class, when you should be paying attention to the teacher, because you’re going to fail and have to retake the entire course and everyone is going to be younger than you and call you stupid, YOU ARE NOT A MUSICIAN.

Also…

Just because you can add a little ground beef to a box of Hamburger Helper, and you sit at the table, oblivious to the fact that everyone hates you, because everyone was craving mom’s homemade chicken pot pie, but you insisted that you could cook something that everyone would like and now dad has food poisoning and mom is constipated, YOU ARE NOT A CHEF.

Also…

Just because you learned a thing or two about shadowing once in an art class and now you think that your hand and a pencil were destined to be united with a sketch pad, YOU ARE NOT AN ARTIST.

Also…

This blog is probably funnier if you’re drinking.  So, take this time to go grab a glass of wine (as I am drinking one as I write) or a cocktail, or if you’re really classy, a beer.

Also…

Just because you played on the junior varsity football team in middle school and that instilled you with the thought that you are some hotshot jock, YOU ARE NOT AN ATHLETE.

Also…

Just because.

Also…

Just because you played the role of Big Bad Wolf in an elementary school production of The Three Little Pigs to an audience consisting of your mom, YOU ARE NOT AN ACTOR.

Also…

The Iron Lady, starring Meryl Streep hits theatres January 13, 2012.  Don’t miss it.

Also…

Just because you write a quirky little blog on the internet that no one subscribes to, which fills you with insecurity and loneliness, YOU ARE NOT A WRITER.

Also…

Just because you wear a blonde wig and violet tinted glasses and talk to yourself in a Julia Childs voice, similar to that of Meryl Streep in the movie Julie&Julia, and you refer to yourself as Mini-Streep, I AM NOT MERYL STREEP.

I mean YOU. YOU ARE NOT MERYL STREEP.

…yet.

Also…

Just because your mother says she loves you and nothing will ever change that… guess what?

THE END


  1. filltheworld said: I detest to the athlete one. To quote Bill Bowerman, “If you have a body, you are an athlete.”
  2. couldwejusttalkaboutthis posted this